We started out the trip in our fairly quiet peaceful little neighborhood, but quickly jumped right into the pandemonium and I took a big deep breath, held on tight and braced myself. Have you ever seen salmon swimming upstream? Ants scurrying over a fresh victim? The beginning of the New York City Marathon? How do you jump into that? Well, you just go.
And then there you are, part of the race. The noise is really the first thing that hits you. The buzz of the scooters and the constant tooting of the horns. And it’s not an American blaring of the horns: "Fuck you a-hole, out of my way!" It’s more like ‘Here I am, watch out.’ It’s a constant weaving, in and out, back and forth, vying for position, dodging a vendor cart or slow bicycle. Want to make a left turn? Don’t wait! Just go! So there are 150 scooters coming straight for you? Just go! They’ll go around you. You’re on the wrong side of the street? Who cares! Just drive against traffic and when you get a chance go straight through them to the other side of the street. And you’re never too young to learn! The cutest thing ever is a little 2 year old sitting in front with his little hands on the handlebars. Sometimes you’ll see a family of four, two little ones sandwiched between mom and dad. Or a family of three: mom and dad with grandpa in the middle looking like he’s on his way to or from the hospital. Kids don’t need helmets, by the way. Adults all wear their little mini-helmets, but kids never do. One common sight is dad in front driving with mom in the back holding baby standing up on the seat in the middle, no helmet.I admit, I did scream a couple of times. Once when I guy coming from a cross street just turned right onto our street full speed, never slowed down or looked, just flew right into the stream. And almost hit somebody and got hit, but veered around and kept moving. And nobody blinks an eye!
Some guy behind us got my attention by pointing at my ass. Well I wasn’t exactly sure that’s what he was pointing at, but he kept pointing and I kept looking behind me, wondering, ‘Is something sticking out?’ I guess it was my ass. Then he was just sort of smiling, giving me the unmistakable ‘eye.’ I guess I stick out like a sore thumb on the back of a scooter in Saigon traffic. Jackie said she was watching all the men looking at me and talking about me. ‘Oh, she’s so big!’ Since I dwarfed her cousin in front of me, and they were all wondering if I was Vietnamese and how he scored a chick like me. Stuff like that.
Finally, I relaxed and just enjoyed the ride. I always loved riding on motorcycles back in my younger days. I had a few boyfriends who had them, not to mention my uncle, so I spent quite a bit of time riding around, no helmet, shorts, not a care. Those days are long gone. I haven’t been on a motorcycle in years and the way people drive in San Francisco, I’m in no hurry to get back on one. Ironically, the way people drive here, I can’t believe I didn’t even hesitate. But I will tell you, Saigon by scooter is the only way to go. I wouldn’t be the driver, but behind an expert, it is the best way to see and feel and smell and hear the city. Riding around in a cab feels somewhat safer, but certainly much more removed. On a scooter you are in it, part of it. You look right in people’s eyes as they come within inches of you and zip by. And you don’t have to worry about parking. There is no street parking. Parking is just a whole bunch of scooters parked on the sidewalk. So you just get to wherever it is you’re going and pull up on the sidewalk and maybe there’s a valet who will squeeze you in with all the other scooters and keep an eye on it for you. Or if you’re going to somebody’s house, you just pull right in the front door and park in the living room.
I’m not joking! The other day a whole bunch of relatives came by for a visit. There were four scooters in the house, so everybody else had to park outside.I wish I had had a video camera to capture the insanity in living color. Fortunately, somebody already has on youtube!
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